I've finished chemo and radiation, now what?

I did it, as of last week Friday I completed 4 weeks of radiation. Days leading up to that final session I had mixed emotions. I'm glad the worst of it is over and the demands for cancer treatments and doctor appointments won't take major stock of my time and energy. For the past 9 months, cancer has required so much from me. Although the bulk of the treatment is behind me, it isn't completely over. Currently, I'm healing from radiation and I'll be on an estrogen blocker for the next 5 years. Yup, 5 years! It's part of my treatment plan since estrogen feeds cancer cells. It seems weird to think about what "normal" will feel like. I'm looking forward to re-engaging other areas of my life. I'll be paying on those medical bills for a while though. I'll also be returning to work after being off for months to receive treatment and take care of myself. I'm not looking forward to an inbox full of unread emails. I don't even remember my passwords.

I'm still dealing with the after-effects of chemo. My hair is slowly growing back and not in the manner it did before chemotherapy. My eyebrows are barely there so I'll be penciling those in. My eyelashes are patchy so fake lashes will be on deck but not the kind that looks like tarantulas. More than likely I'll be rocking my bald head for a while and switch it up with headwraps. I'm on the fence about whether I'll wear a wig. A custom wig will give me the chance to have fun with a different look but we're on the brink of summer and I think my head will be too hot for that. I can see it now, I'll be going one way and the wig the other so we'll see about that. My nailbeds are discolored. My doctor said that's common among black people because of the pigmentation in our skin. Nail polish can cover this. I have occasional bouts of neuropathy, it's very random. I also had stuffiness in my legs for a few weeks. I started stretching, taking daily walks, and riding my bike. That helped. I had to be patient with my body but in order to rebuild my endurance and stamina, I had to start moving. I go outside to get fresh air and natural vitamin D from the sun. I have spent more time in bed over the last 6 months than I have in my entire life. I want to lose about 25 pounds, blame it on the pandemic and chemo weight gain.

I believe in challenging my body but I listen to it also. When I need rest, to take a nap, or sit down, I do so. I drink plenty of water, try to maintain a healthy diet and active lifestyle which is always a work in progress. In the past few months, I've entertained the thought of becoming a vegetarian, vegan, alkaline vegan, pescatarian and the one thing I've successfully done is cut back on pork and red meat. I'm trying to find what works for me. I'm still figuring it out.

I'm remaining prayerful and I believe that I'm healed through medicine. I can only take it one day at a time. I want to make the most of my life, take risks, follow my dreams and bet on myself more often. I promise to make time for self-care, family time and vacations, girl trips, and enjoy the simple things that bring me peace and joy like house plants and nature.

Through it all, I'm grateful for all the support, love, and encouragement. I've been connected with wonderful people that have helped me in ways I can't describe. As uncomfortable as the thought of sharing this journey was in the beginning, once I was obedient to the spiritual call to let go and just share, the peace came. I can't tell you how natural it has felt since then. That doesn't mean it's been easy to write these posts but it's been necessary. The DM's, text messages, cards, and phone calls I've received let me know that my transparency wasn't in vain and others were empowered and helped. Some went for their mammograms for the first time after having put them off for years, others becoming engaged in their preventive health care that had an "I don't want to know if anything is wrong" attitude. I knew this was bigger than me so I have no regrets.